Be Prepared – 50+ Things You May Miss In Orkney ©

Many things that you may be used to are not available here.

1. No distant ground trembling rumble of tube-trains
2. No low-flying jet airliners overhead
3. No distant hiss of motorway traffic
4. No drunkards passing your house singing at 3 in the morning
5. No motorbikes roaring past in the middle of the night 
6. No motorway madness drivers
7. No congestion tailbacks for miles
8. No McDonald’s
9. No rush-hour tube train or rail congestion
10. No broken-down station escalators – ever
11. No streets full of litter or smelly waste products
12. No road surfaces constantly dug up for gas pipe repairs
13. No leaking gas mains
14. No outrageous airport car parking fees
15. No cigarette machines on every street corner
16. No people looking the other way and ignoring you if you need help
17. No pollution. None
18. No high crime rate
19. No congestion charges
20. No excessive surveillance
21. No football hooligans
22. No multi-story car parks
23. No overcrowded shopping malls
24. No high-rise blocks of flats to spoil the view
25. No overcrowded or dirty railway stations
26. No outdoor activities on winter nights
27. No crowded beaches with Ice cream and candyfloss sellers
28. Flyovers, traffic lights, underpasses, or railway bridges 
29. No over-crowding for humans (only creatures that love Orkney) 
30. No queues for public telephones 
31. No scorching sunburn 
32. No skylines encumbered with high-rise buildings
33. No multi-story car parks 
34. No noisy shunting yard train 
35. No high-rise buildings to spoil the view 
36. No polluting factories
37. No dodgy unlicensed street traders 
38. No litter-filled streets 
39. No high crime rate 
40. No rampant knife crime 
41. No noisy motorways 
42. No derelict high streets 
43. No over-crowded beaches 
44. No litter-strewn streets 
45. No rampant knife crime 
46. No market-place dodgy vendors 
47. No broken-down escalators 
48. No litter-strewn streets 
49. No risky level-crossings 
50. No smog-filled sky
51. ​No polluting factories

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